Managing conflict
A conflict can be described in several ways based on their characteristics:
A conflict is something more than a disagreement, it has an element of threat in it. Of course there are threats that aren’t real, but regardless, every conflict should be dealt with so that the tensions come down and people can move forward
The main reason it’s so important to tackle conflicts and solve them is that they get much bigger where they are being ignored.
People perceive things differently and this results in a difficulty to be objective, everyone’s perception has been shaped by their own personal experiences.
During a conflict our emotions get triggered very easily and we lose sight of the rational and what we should be doing. It’s possible to improve on managing conflict when in an emotionally stable period.
Conflicts is also a part of an healthy relationship, as it brings growth. By colliding heads with one another we get to know sides of the other person that they normally don’t show, this helps building trust, and it’s well known that trust is the base for every strong relationship.
Deciding not to react in a conflict and walking away is surely a way of avoiding it. This might not be the best of your options though : as previously mentioned, ignoring a conflict usually makes it bigger and worse. It’s best to reschedule the conversation in a time where everyone will keep their cool, but the presence of the conflict makes it very apparent that something is wrong, and the more we delay the conflict, a difficult conversation or actually bringing down consequences, the more the wrong thing will affect the organisation in the long term.
The three F’s of getting to the heart of the problem are Facts, Frequency and Frustrated relationships.
Facts: it’s paramount to keep your focus on the facts and the topic of this particular issue. Leave aside previously happened issues that aren’t related to the situation your handling. When preparing your conversation you should make a list of the facts so that you don’t go off track and try to solve too many things at the same time.
Frequency : keep a record of the issues and conflicts you tackle with your people, so that you can figure out the frequency of an issue. It’s difficult to keep trusting an individual who has repeated an issue after promising not to do it again.
Frustrated relationship: something to keep in mind when dealing with a repeated issue is that some frustration obviously built up during your relationship and this could be keeping you from looking at the issue with clarity and therefore do the right thing. Try instead to explain that their wrongdoing is not influencing themselves only, but especially your trust in them and, without repeating the importance of trust in any relationship, it goes without saying that this jeopardises their future in the organisation.
The Conflict Resolution Model consists in three steps:
Research : this step consists in assessing whether the issue is worth your time and determine the 3 F’s. There are so many different techniques and models and ways of managing and leading a team and to deal with every aspect of a project from the programming to the dismantling of the team, but sometimes things just go wrong and all the efforts to correct the wrongdoing of an employee are worthless. Start by thinking about what is really bothering you, try to identify the root of your negative reaction to that behaviour. When we analyse issues superficially, we often leave out the real reason of the dispute, we need to understand what is stopping the employee from changing for the better. It takes time to tackle an issue properly and resolve it, but it’s extremely important for the future of the organisation to get to the root of the problem.
Presentation : during this step you have to actually sit down and have a conversation with the with the difficult employee. You want to have the conversation to express what you feel and think and to listen to the counter part, his ideas and his feelings, so it’s crucial that you create a safe zone for this to happen. In a safe zone everybody feels respected enough to voice out all they have to say and in a calm manner. If the situation is pretty tense and there’s no telling if one of you will lose his temper, it’s better to have an HR person in the room that listens and takes notes. Also, the third person in the room shouldn’t actively take part in the conversation, the only ones to talk should be you and the difficult person. Once this has been established, you can address the behaviour gap and what you think is lacking in the employee’s work, using the 3 F’s. To bring this conversation to a conclusion, you should “make it easy”. It can be quite challenging to simplify a situation or the outcome of a conflict for someone who has repeatedly disappointed you, because you might feel as they have a lesson to learn and they would learn better with strict consequences, but this is not the case. It is your job to guide that person, to help him find the motivation within to improve. Analyse together what barriers could be making the communication difficult and every eventual personal aspect to resolve the issue.
Take action : the final step to resolve a conflict is to decide on, plan and take action. You need to create an action plan with the difficult person that will include follow up meetings to check that the issue is actually being solved and that the employee has everything he needs to carry that plan out. With an effective action plan, that would be the end of it, but sometimes things can go off the rails anyway. This would be a good time for you discuss drastic measures and major consequences with that person.
